Marta: Trying to Understand
Although Marta realized Tim had grandiose ideas and was unrealistic about work possibilities, she tried to understand and support him.
He’s big into music and played occasionally in a band. He was saying he was traveling the world and he was going to be playing at the Excel Center and he’s going to fly out to Vegas. Now that I learned more about it, that was kind of a grandeur stage. He was untouchable.
She thought Tim’s work, teaching kids with major behavior problems, was stressful and that he was drinking after work to manage his stress level. He talked about buying an expensive, top-of-the-line motorcycle and opening a restaurant because he loved food. Marta recognized that Tim’s behavior did not seem right.
I was probably more of an enabler in the beginning because I felt like I was trying to keep it all together. Not even really being aware of what it was. Maybe this is just 43; he’s thinking maybe life is over. Crisis, panic stage. I was just trying to keep it all together—the kids. Normal type stuff. He was still kind of working for a little while. But then that school year started in September and he totally quit as of October. He barely made it through a month and a half.
Tim was living off his savings. Marta had to quickly close their joint account because money was disappearing. He demanded money from Marta. When things disappeared from the house and he pawned household items, Marta acted to protect her home.
I had to just start hiding things and locking things up because I didn’t know if it was going to be there when I got home. There was no rationalizing with him or trying to get him into treatment or any place.